Earlier this year, I realized that I haven’t been a very good cheerleader for myself. So, I wrote this:
You have to be your own best cheerleader. Your opinion is the only one that can make a difference in your life. And you’re the only one who is with you 100% of the time. The rest of the people who cheer you on are only with you a small percentage of your life.
Then I was writing to a friend and wrote at more length about the value of having your own back. Supporting yourself and believing in yourself.
I’ve come to realize that if I don’t have my own back, if I don’t believe in myself then who do I think should have my back – who would have my back better than me? The answer is that I should have my own back – so I’m learning how to do it. I’ve waited long enough to realize that – my whole adult life actually. I’ve got many friends and family who believe in me but their support doesn’t count for a fraction of how much my own belief in myself counts – I’ve realized that over this last year. My complete support for myself enables me to feel whole in my own skin – where before this, I’ve felt lost, wrong somehow – like nothing I did was good enough or right. And I looked to other people to tell me if I was living my life right – doing the right things.
And the problem with that is that the feedback I got depended on who I was talking with, whether or not they had a good day or a bad day, whether they even cared about me even one jot. Those things determined the answer I got – and had nothing to do with me at all. And I am finally realizing that I’m the one who lives with myself 100% of the time and who needs to be okay with me. That no one else gets the final vote when I’m trying to decide who I am and whether I’m worthy. This has taken a very long time for me to realize. Very long. No one but me can be relied on to wish the best for me on any given day. And that once I’m wishing for myself the best on every given day, then nothing can stop me. And this is what I wish for you.
I wish for you to feel the weight of judgement – mostly your own – lifted from your shoulders. For you to feel absolutely right in your skin. Confidently choosing what you most desire in any given situation – and not basing your choices on other peoples wishes, thoughts or judgements. You are 100% beautiful on any given day, in any given situation. Even when you need a shower and just kicked the dog.
You are what you think you are. Your belief in yourself – the things you think you observe about yourself – those beliefs can actually be the things that limit you, and they are often not a true assessment of your ability. This reads a little confusing. Just think about what you know of yourself. Now think about what you wish you could do and those things that you feel are beyond you. THIS stuff, this big thing that you feel is out of your reach – is what you’re capable of.
Rest easy, full of gratitude for your wonderful self, in your own arms this Thanksgiving.
This past month has been one where I’ve felt a little lost, even while I felt like I knew exactly where I was going. I did all the ‘right’ things; crossing all the T’s and dotting all the I’s but I felt a little empty and inadequate at the end of every day. Too much on my plate and no brakes to say ‘no.’ I was sorry every week to miss the opportunity to say ‘Hey’ to you guys.